My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
