Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
