The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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