youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
