her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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