There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
