I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize