I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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