God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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