well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
