my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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