he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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