I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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