We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
