i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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