final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
