Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
