I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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