yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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