Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Boobs speak an international language.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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