Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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