Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
