At least make sure they are 18
Why
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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