she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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