It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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