lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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