Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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