im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
