If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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