Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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