even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
