I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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