Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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