I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
