nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
