Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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