Yo dont text me then not text me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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