My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
