Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
