we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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