I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
