Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
