the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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