I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
