i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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