I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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