Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
