threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
