I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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