I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
