Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
