It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
