peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sorry about my life...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
