I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
