i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
