i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
