I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize