So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
