Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
