i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
