turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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