oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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