This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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