i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
