Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
