he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I came so hard my ears popped.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize