ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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