There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
