I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
