I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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