There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
