I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
