Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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