Having a random hookup so left but love u
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
