and next time when you feel me up, do it right
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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