there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
