Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize