i just made my gag reflex go away.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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