East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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