she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
