when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
