Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Pooping to opera.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
