so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
