I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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