sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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