I feel like abortions should bother me more
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
