i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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