I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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