This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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