were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
